


for him.

by youlooksogoodintiffanyblews



Category: Panic! at the Disco (Mentioned), Twenty One Pilots, troye sivan - Fandom
Genre: Blue Neighborhood, Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Songfic, for him., idek what i'm supposed to be saying here, joshler - Freeform, proposal, troye sivan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:32:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7345024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youlooksogoodintiffanyblews/pseuds/youlooksogoodintiffanyblews
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based off of "for him." by troye sivan</p>
            </blockquote>





	for him.

**Author's Note:**

> hey friends this is a thing i wrote and it's definitely a thing
> 
> there's some homophobia but no language

The past year had been a blur. 

Josh expressed this to Tyler, who was curled up in his arms on the couch. 

He mumbled something resembling a reply, stuffing his face further into Josh's arms. Josh had no idea what he had said, but it didn't really matter. He leaned into his best friend more and just sat there, reflecting upon the time that they had been together. It had all happened so fast. 

 

Tyler and Josh had been friends forever. They were neighbors growing up and were practically inseparable. Everyone had just left it at that— just two best friends. And, for a long time, they had, too. 

But, on the second to last day of the summer before their senior year of high school, that changed. 

They always spent that whole day of their summer together. It was their annual tradition—they bought Taco Bell and a ridiculous amount of Red Bull and tried to stay up all night in Tyler's treehouse, discussing their schedules and mentally preparing themselves for the upcoming year. 

Around 3 A.M., they were lying on the floor, contemplating the significance of the knots in the wooden ceiling. 

Then they were quiet for a while. It was a comfortable silence, one that fell upon them often. They just sat and absorbed each others' presences. 

"Josh?" Tyler whispered. 

"Hm?" Josh had almost fallen asleep, he had been so comfortable. Just being around Tyler made him feel like he was wrapped in a warm blanket. Plus, the caffeine in the Red Bull was already wearing off. 

"I, uh, I was wondering, uh–" His voice went from hopeful to sounding like he was disappointed in himself. "–should I ask out Jenna?"

"No. You don't love her. You never have," he yawned, "you never will. You don't have to date someone just to make your parents happy." Josh was impressed that he managed to mumble that out in his half-asleep speech. 

"I know," Tyler sighed. 

Another silence, but this one wasn't as long. A few seconds later, Josh perked up to the sound of Tyler audibly inhaling, like he was about to say something. 

"Josh?" he choked out a few seconds later. He sounded nervous. 

Josh turned and looked into into his friend's eyes and suddenly felt a lot of things. 

It was an insane moment, thoughts he had never been able to fully process coming together like puzzle pieces. He knew that there was something special in Tyler's eyes, but he didn't know what it was until right then. He had thought so many things about him that he had written off as close friendship, but it became clear that this was not the case. It was the most cliché thing ever, like something out of a Hallmark movie. They didn't have to say that they loved each other then, they both knew. 

They went back to staring at the ceiling. Tyler moved closer to Josh, snuggling up into his side. It felt oddly right, despite everything happening now was being incredibly rushed as well as entirely unspoken. 

Tyler let out a little sigh. "What do we do now, Jishwa?"

Josh sighed, too. "I don't know."

And they just sat there all night, wrapped in that comfortable silence. Somehow, it was even more comfortable than before. 

 

It was their very last day of high school. They walked onto the campus, holding hands. Everyone noticed, but didn't think much of it. The two did things like this all the time. 

Tyler squeezed Josh's butt. Once again, everyone saw it, but refused to believe that their relationship was anything more than platonic. They thought it was funny, even. 

Josh kissed Tyler on the cheek. Friends being friends, they all just agreed. As always. 

Then, they _really_ kissed. 

For about five seconds, everyone in the entire school froze, processing what they were seeing and finally putting two and two together. 

Then, everything exploded. 

Most people minded their own business and left the two alone, but a good-sized group of people had formed a mob around the couple, shouting everything from "OTP" to homophobic slurs that Josh wishes he could unhear. 

He tried to put on a brave face. _People had to find out eventually,_ he reassured himself, even though there wasn't anything that reassuring about it. He could feel his breathing start to pick up. He looked into his boyfriend's eyes, searching for some better form of encouragement. 

Tyler grinned and pulled him into a two-man huddle. "Okay, here's the game plan. Fake right, and break left. Watch out for the pick and keep an eye on the defense–"

"Tyler Joseph, when was the last time you watched High School Musical?"

"Last week, don't act like you're too cool for it because I know you watched it, too. Let's meet by room M21. I'll be right behind you if anyone tries to throw a punch at you."

"You would lose that fight."

"I know. Now what team?"

Josh tried to suppress a grin. It didn't work. "Wildcats," he said with feigned disinterest. 

"Joshua William Dun, _what team?_ "

" _Wildcats!_ " He couldn't fake it anymore. 

" _WHAT TEAM?_ " Tyler was almost as loud as the growing crowd around them. 

" _WILDCATS!_ " Josh forgot all of his fears. 

"WILDCATS!"

"GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME!" Josh shouted as he began tearing through people. 

As soon as they were away from everyone, Josh flung himself into Tyler's arms. "Thank you," he whispered. And he really meant it. Nobody but Tyler could get him through an anxiety-provoking encounter like that so effortlessly. He could make anything seem easy. He loved Tyler. 

 

Since they came out to the whole school, Josh and Tyler decided to come out to their families. They figured it would be best to do it individually, so they went to their separate houses after walking home together from school. 

Josh looked over at Tyler as he walked up to his front porch. He couldn't help running up behind him and hugging him one last time. "I love you, Tyler," he said with a slight quiver in his voice. 

Tyler turned around and pulled him into a real hug. "It's gonna be okay," he whispered. "You can do this. We can do this." 

They were almost crying now, so they broke apart and took a few deep breaths together before Josh walked back over to his door and Tyler to his. They looked into each others' eyes one last time before stepping inside. 

Josh had never felt more afraid in his own house. He racked his brain, trying to remember a breathing exercise he read about once. As soon as he worked up the courage to go find his parents, he found that he couldn't get his feet to move forward an inch. 

"Hi, Josh!" he heard his mom yell from the kitchen. 

"Hi, Mom," he forced out. He was amazed that he could get himself to say that much as he eventually started to trudge forward. 

"Where's Tyler? I made some pizza rolls, they're in the living room–"

"C-Can we talk, Mom?" he stuttered. At this point he was visibly shaking. 

His mom spun around. He could see the worry deep in her eyes as she offered a cheery smile. "Sure, honey. Dad too?"

He nodded. If he said another word, he might just burst into tears on the spot. 

He shuffled into the living room after his mother quietly walked up the stairs to find her husband. Josh mentally thanked her for not just yelling for him and alerting the whole family. 

It felt like he waited there for an hour. It was like knowing that he was getting the flu shot at the doctor's office—the anticipation and fear leading up to it is almost as bad as getting the actual shot. Almost. 

Finally, his parents were seated across from him on the couch. This was where all important family discussions were held. He already knew that this one's significance would swamp the rest. 

For about ten seconds, Josh just sat in front of his parents, trying to remember how to speak. He felt the walls closing in on him, the pressure becoming greater and greater. He knew he would just have to say it as fast as he could. 

"I love you all very much and I'm sorry if I upset you or if you want me to leave it's just I can't change and I really don't want to change and I'm sorry–" He cut himself off with his own tears. 

His mother looked confused. "Josh, what are you trying to say?" She tried to comfort him, but his father didn't. He knew. Deep down, his mom probably knew, too. 

Josh couldn't make the tears stop. He could hardly breathe, but he managed to choke out, " _I-I'm gay,_ " in an almost unintelligible whisper, but both of his parents heard him. 

His vision was blurred by tears, but he could see that his mom was crying, too. His dad, however, just stared at the ceiling. They stayed like that for a minute, silence only broken by the periodic sobs. Eventually, Josh worked up the courage to ask, "D-Do you st-still love me?" in that same broken cry. 

His mom looked up. "Of-Of course we love you, honey!" she sniffled. 

His father finally spoke. "Son, we can't have this kind of behavior in this house. I hope you understand. We love you, but we can't have your siblings influenced by this. We're going to have to ask you to move out." His eyes were fixed on the ground the whole time as his wife broke out into another sob. 

Josh's heart fell. He swallowed his tears and began walking up to his room to gather his things. As soon as he pulled out his suitcase, he doubled over and cried for ten minutes straight. 

"Josh, what's going on? Are you okay?" he heard his sister from the doorway. 

He took a deep breath and began shoving things in his suitcase, not turning around to look at her for fear he might cry again. "Everything-Everything's fine, Ashley. I'm–moving out." He was impressed at how well he held it together. 

"What? _Now?_ " He picked up a sense of worry in her voice. 

"Yes, now." The word "now" hit him like a brick. 

"Why?" 

He was hoping she wouldn't ask him. He figured he'd say goodbye and walk out the door and leave his parents to explain. But he couldn't do that. So, he took a deep breath and came out for the third time that day. 

"I'm gay." His voice cracked on that last word. 

Ashley was quiet for a while. "Okay," she said softly. 

Josh kept throwing things into his bag, careful not to turn around and show her the stream of tears running down his face. 

"Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked, somewhat lightheartedly. 

Josh almost laughed. "Yeah," he smiled. "Tyler."

" _Tyler?_ " He liked how shocked she sounded. 

"Yeah." Then it hit him. Tyler was coming out right now, too. He had promised to text him when he had any news. 

me (3:27 P.M): i'm moving out

He put his phone away and began worrying about his boyfriend. He forgot about his sister until she walked in and sat herself next to him on the floor. 

"How long have you been dating?" she asked with genuine interest as she began folding some of his clothes on the floor and putting them in the bag. 

"Almost a year," Josh smiled again. He was glad at least one member of his family was still going to talk to him. 

"Oh my God, why haven't you told me?" She was bouncing with excitement. 

Josh gave her a look. 

"Okay, yeah, I get it. But still, _wow._ Do people at your school know?" 

"Yeah, we started making out in the hallway today, so I really hope they got the point." He had completely forgotten his tears, he couldn't stop smiling at himself. 

Then he got a text from Tyler. 

baby boy (3:30 PM): me too

baby boy: meet at my car at 4

me: okay

"Is that him?" Ashley asked. 

Josh sighed. "Yeah."

They were quiet for a while as they kept packing. 

"Are you going to tell Jordan?"

Josh almost forgot about his brother. "I-I guess so." He was suddenly thankful that his other sister Abby was out with her boyfriend. One less coming-out to suffer through for the day. 

Ashley sighed and looked at him with a smile. "I'll finish packing your stuff, you go talk to him."

Josh had never been so grateful for his sister in his entire life. "Thanks, Ash," he grinned, pulling her into a hug. 

"Good luck," she reassured. 

Josh walked to the end of the hall and held up his hand to knock on his little brother's door. He paused there a while, thinking through how he was going to say this without crying again. Jordan always looked up to him, and it killed him just thinking about how that would change. 

He leaned his head on the door. He figured after doing this three times in a day, a fourth would be easy, but he now was fully aware that that was not the case. As he felt the tears start to well in his eyes, the door opened, sending him falling into the room. 

Josh decided that he was not getting up. Laying facefirst on the ground, he let out a muffled, "Hey, Jordan."

"Josh, what are you doing?"

He froze up again. He didn't know how he could disappoint his brother like this. "I–uh, just wanted to let you know that I'm moving out today." 

Jordan's face fell. "What? Why? We have this whole summer before you go to college and–"

"I'm gay." He didn't even notice himself saying it this time. 

Somehow, Jordan's face fell even further. Somehow, Josh's heart broke even more. 

He was as close as he could get to tears, but he wasn't going to cry this time. He pushed himself off of the ground and turned to walk out the door when he felt himself being pulled into a hug.

"Goodbye, Josh," Jordan sniffled. 

California could've fined Josh for the amount of water running down his face. He turned around and brought his brother into a closer hug. "Not goodbye. I'm not dead yet," he tried to say as lightheartedly as possible, even through the sobs. 

Jordan offered a small laugh. "Well, text you later, Josh."

"Text you later, Jordan."

He walked back into his room to find neatly stacked bags, a fresh box of tissues, and a big bag of pretzels. Ashley deserved the sister-of-the-year award. 

He checked his phone. 3:52. He figured he should start heading down the stairs and get the goodbyes over with. He had had enough crying for one day. 

He threw his duffel bags over his shoulder and took a look around the now-empty room. He thought back on all of the memories: the corner with the TV that he played Mario Kart with Tyler on, the wall where all of his polariods and drawings had been taped, and the window that faced Tyler's window so they could talk late at night. All of the sentimentality came crashing over him all at once, and he got a bit choked up. Again. He turned away from it all and closed the door and walked down the stairs. 

"Josh?" he heard his mom call. She was still crying as she came up to hug him one last time. "I just–you should–you can–" She looked down, defeated, as she finished, "Make sure you send a Christmas card." She was trying to smile, but couldn't hold back her tears. 

Josh pulled her in closer. "Of course," he whispered, his own tears coming quickly. 

His dad walked in the room then. He cleared his throat, causing Josh to look up. "Take care, son," he said, barely looking up. 

"Goodbye, Dad," he tried to smile. There wouldn't be any hugging. 

He took a deep breath for the umpteenth time that day and walked out the door. 

Tyler was leaned over his car, angrily trying to fix something under the hood. If it were any other time, Josh would've appreciated how great he looked, but it didn't seem right to focus on that in the current situation. Instead, he walked up beside him and leaned his head on his shoulder.  
It was then that he realized that Tyler was crying. 

"We need a jumpstart," he sniffled. 

Right then, Josh started bawling. He hadn't fully processed that his boyfriend's experience had probably been even worse than his until now. Seeing Tyler in pain was even worse than how he was feeling. 

They sat outside his car for a while, crying into each others' shoulders. It was an oddly quiet day, and they felt like they were the only people in the world for a minute. 

Eventually, Tyler went and grabbed some cables from the trunk. "Do you know how to jump a car?" he smiled weakly. 

Josh shook his head. That was something his dad had never taught him. He didn't see it happening in the future, either. 

Tyler smiled again, a bit more realistically now. "Well, I'll teach you." He ran over to his sister's car and pulled it up next to his, popping up its hood. 

He then ran back to Josh's side. "Alright, first step, take off your shirt," he grinned. 

"Tyler, we came out to our families half an hour ago. I don't think it's a good idea to just–"

"My God, Josh, you're such a whore," he laughed. "It's loose, it'll get caught in the parts if you leave it on." 

Sometimes he forgot why he even liked Tyler. 

He begrudgingly took off his favorite t-shirt and threw it to the side. Then Tyler did the same. 

He quickly found a reason why he liked Tyler. 

"Alright, Jishwa, take red positive and attach it to the positives on both cars. Then take black negative–"

Josh stopped processing any information after that. He was clueless when it came to cars. Instead, he just listened to the sound of Tyler's voice and nodded along as he stared at the way his boyfriend's muscles flexed as he attached a red thing to a box thing. 

"JOSH!"

"YES!" He was caught. 

"Stop staring at me and try turning on the car." 

"I wasn't–"

"Yes, you were. Hurry up, I think my sister saw that we're using her car."

He bolted into the front seat and turned the key. The engine came to life, and even though he did nothing, he felt proud. 

He ran out, smiling, and hugged Tyler. "You did it!" he laughed. 

Tyler pulled him in closer. "We did it," he whispered. 

Once again, they stayed there for a while, existing in that same comfort of feeling like they were the only people in the world. 

After a few minutes, Tyler broke away to pull out the cables, saying something about "taking them out in reverse order." Josh pretended to understand. 

Then they both got into the car. It then hit them that they had no idea where to go. They were going to the same college and would have a dorm there, but that wouldn't be accessible until the end of summer. 

Tyler's eyes suddenly lit up. He smiled, hitting the gas. 

Josh wasn't even going to ask what he had planned. He just wanted to see that spark in his eyes. 

They drove through the neighborhoods in silence. The car radio had been broken for a while now, but, as always, they didn't mind the quiet. As long as they were together. 

They pulled up to the local convenience store. Tyler explained that they needed to buy snacks and Red Bull. Josh didn't put up a fight. He sat in the car and waited, mind drifting off to the future. It seemed to be doing more and more of that recently, and it worried him. What if this didn't work out? What if he couldn't find a job? He didn't even know what job he wanted. The thoughts just became more and more violent until Tyler finally came back, throwing the plastic bag of food at him. 

Josh eagerly sifted through the snacks, searching for the Red Bull. His fingers froze upon a pack of something. 

"E-cigs?" he questioned. Josh had never smoked anything besides Brendon Urie's weed, which made him nauseous. As far as he knew, Tyler felt the same. 

Tyler sighed. "I've never tried them. Tonight seems to be the night to try new things." He stared straight out the window and smiled. "Let's ride."

Josh rolled his eyes. "That's the most cliché thing you've ever said."

Tyler raised his eyebrows as he pulled out of the parking lot and turned onto the main road. "Really? I think I can do better than that."

"Oh, of course. Why don't you tell me about how I outshine the moon and the stars with my effervescent radiance and glory?"

 

They drove for what felt like hours. Josh wished this could last forever, just watching Tyler's eyes shift between the rear-view mirrors as the sun set and the sky grew dark. He could forget about the future. He could forget about how he had practically no money—plus the fact that his parents certainly wouldn't be chipping in towards his tuition now. He didn't need any of those thoughts. He needed Tyler. That was all. 

Suddenly, they turned into a side road. Josh almost didn't see it, but he quickly saw why Tyler had taken him there. 

They were in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Nothing was around them except the sky. Josh looked out the windows and just marveled at the sheer multitude of stars. 

"Josh?" Tyler whispered. 

"Yeah, Tyler?" Josh turned to look at him. 

"You outshine the moon and stars with your effervescent radiance and glory."

Josh wanted to slap the smirk off of Tyler's face. He tried to, but he just ended up laughing. He hated how much he loved Tyler Joseph.

They laughed for a long time. They had laughed together before, but never in this way. It was like that night in the treehouse when they both realized that they loved each other. 

Something about the night just made them come alive. It wasn't just the beauty of it; they paid no attention to the shooting stars. It was simply magic. They were just meant to be with each other. And now, they really were. 

"What do we do now, Jishwa?" Tyler sighed, smiling at the déjà vu. 

"I don't know," Josh sighed back again. 

_All I need is you,_ he thought. 

 

And here they were, curled up on the couch, exactly one year after the treehouse night. 

College didn't really end up happening—it wasn't going to be financially possible, even with Tyler's basketball scholarship. So, they decided to skip it all and start a band. It wasn't a very stable solution, but, somehow money had just become less meaningful. Josh viewed Tyler as his wealth. 

"Jish, should we go party?"

"Party?" 

"Yeah, let's go party at a, at a disco. Is that what the kids do these days?"

"I'd panic at a disco."

"Isn't that the name of that dude Ryan's band?"

"Something like that."

They paused again for a while. Tyler snuggled up into Josh even more. Josh could feel him grinning, like he was planning something. He knew his boyfriend too well. 

Sure enough, Tyler, thinking he was stealthy, squeezed Josh's butt. Josh squirmed and playfully shoved Tyler's face away from him. He faked like he had taken an agonizing blow and fell to the ground, rolling over so that he looked at Josh upside down. 

Then they wanted to order a pizza. Neither of them said it, and there were no circumstances precedenting a need for pizza. They just knew. Tyler pulled out his phone and called Domino's, still lying on the ground and keeping perfect eye contact with Josh. Josh sometimes thought they were crazy. Maybe they were fraternal twins separated at birth, despite being next-door-neighbors their entire lives. They just had this crazy connection, a once-in-a-lifetime bond. 

"We could get married."

Josh jumped out of his thoughts as he processed what Tyler had said. 

"What?" he questioned, but it was more of an automatic reply. He had heard what Tyler had said. 

"Get married. Tonight. I mean, only if you want to."

The concept of marriage had always frightened Josh. All of the little stressors in his mind lost it over legal documents of any kind. A marriage was too complex a thing to comprehend. 

"I've got my cheap funeral suit. I mean, I guess I probably shouldn't wear that, that's probably bad luck or something."

Josh tried to recall everything to worry about in a marriage (he had mentally made a list), but hearing Tyler talk made everything seem to just fly away. 

"Oh, frick. This is a proposal. I should've done this way better, gotten you a nice ring and all that, taken you a walk in the moonlight, I'm sorry I just–"

As Tyler rambled, Josh reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet and the thin, silver ring he kept in the third pocket from the top on the left side. 

"–wow, Josh, I don't know how to say this, I should probably get on a knee or–"

"Tyler, will you marry me?" 

Josh had thought about this very minute for a long time. He had picked out the ring a few days after they moved out, paying in weekly installments. It wasn't fully paid off yet, but he would get there. It seemed crazy to be getting married after dating for a year and living together for less than three months, but they had really been together for their entire lives. They just didn't know it. But now they did, and Josh knew he had to be with Tyler for the rest of his life, too.

"–I can buy some supermarket flowers or something–"

" _Tyler._ " Josh cooly pressed. 

"What—oh. _Oh._ Oh! Josh! Oh my–"

"Will you marry me, Tyler Joseph?"

"I'm sorry Josh, you deserve so much better, you deserve a beautiful wedding that's almost as beautiful as you are and–"

"All I need is you."

Tyler was fighting back tears now. "Yes, Josh," he laughed, throwing himself into his fiancé's arms. "Yes."

 

Tyler was wearing a blue suit and Josh's was red. It was all they had on the clearance rack at Men's Warehouse. They didn't really care. In fact, they thought they were perfect. 

_I now pronounce you legally married. You may kiss your husband._

All Josh remembered was the color purple.

**Author's Note:**

> i researched how to jumpstart a car just for this
> 
> if you'd be DTR (down to read) another blue neighborhood songfic like this, please let me know! i'd do this again & if you have any ideas i'd love to hear them
> 
> also if you want to talk to me about troye sivan or the word whore or anything really i'm down


End file.
